If you could go back in time and deliver a letter to your 10-year-old self, what would you say?
While walking along the beach one day, feeling sorry for myself over a variety of minor troubles, a glint of something shiny caught my eye. I bent down and pulled a strange metal object out of the damp sand. Using my shirt tail to wipe away the seaweed and muck, I recognized it as an old–style oil lamp with intricate markings engraved all around. A brisk rub-off of the patina revealed a spot of golden brass. This will clean up nicely, I thought. I rubbed harder. Suddenly a whoosh of purple smoke spewed out of the top.
Startled, I dropped the lamp and backed away. Perhaps it was not a lamp at all but some sort of explosive device. Just as I was about to run, I saw a human form shaping itself within the smoke which gradually materialized into an elderly, exotic-looking man wearing colorful robes and a turban. A lamp genii! I had set a genii free from a lamp! This was my lucky day! I was going to get three wishes!
The genii spoke. “I have been a captive of this lamp for a thousand years. You have set me free. To express my gratitude, I will grant you a favor.”
“A favor?” I asked. “Don’t I get three favors?”
“You are thinking of wishes. A wish is different from a favor. And you only get one. The three wishes thing is a fairy tale. This is real life.”
“What’s the difference between a wish and a favor?” I asked.
“A wish is something that you choose for yourself. A favor is something that I choose and bestow upon you.”
That made me nervous. “What if I don’t like the favor?”
“You may decline it” he said in a bored tone of voice, waving his hand dismissively.
“OK, what’s the favor?” I asked suspiciously.
“I grant you the chance to make your present life happier by writing a letter to your younger self. I will go back in time and deliver it to you at any age you choose. You may tell yourself anything at all. You may reveal the future, tell your younger self what to do, what not to do, in short anything that you think will make your present life happier.
“Meet me here tomorrow at this same hour with your letter. After I disappear to deliver your letter to your younger self you will not see me again. You must stand in the same spot for exactly ten minutes. At the stroke of the tenth minute, if your younger self takes your advice, you will suddenly find yourself in a different life, a better life, a life that you would have had if you had made different decisions. If your advice is ignored, nothing will happen, and your life will continue as before.”
While he was speaking, a small tornado of purple smoke formed around him. He began to de-materialize. As he faded, he gave a warning: “Be careful what you say; if you don’t choose your words carefully, you could make your life worse.” He and the smoke drifted away as he spoke the last word.
After I recovered from the shock of what had just happened, I rushed home to write my letter. After much thought, I decided to send a message to my 10-year-old self because at that age I had not yet charted a path for my life. Sitting at my computer I began by typing “Dear You, no doubt the Genii has explained to you who this letter is from….” and then I stopped. What shall I say? What will make my life happier today?
Well, of course I know what to say! I’m going to make myself rich! I know what the stock market is going to do in every decade. I know which companies are going to explode in value and which ones are going to fail. I know the winners of every Kentucky Derby. I could Google the winning numbers of all the big lotteries from then to now. I became excited at the prospect that all my financial worries were going to be over. Fortunately, at that point, common sense kicked in. “Wait a minute,” I thought to myself, “why do you think you are not rich now?” The sad fact is that if I had been competent at handling money in my youth, I would have been rich long ago. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if I had large amounts of money then, I would have made terrible mistakes that would lead to great misery in the present. No, don’t give yourself money, I thought, you’ll ruin your life. Besides, struggle was good for you. It taught you a lot. It forced a bit of humility on you. It gave you compassion. The Genii was right; I have to be careful not to make my life worse.
Perhaps I should warn myself about the bad things that are coming…or were coming…or whatever…things I couldn’t control or avoid. Then I would be better prepared to handle them. No, that would be cruel. If I had known about all the bad things that were coming and when they were coming, I would simply fret and worry. I would be counting down the days to the next bad event, dreading it at every minute. It would rob me of the joy I had in the good times, blissfully unaware of the next calamity coming down the road. I would not be able to enjoy anything. And then all the happy memories I now have of those good times would be gone. Better not say anything about that.
Should I tell myself about the good events that are coming so that I could take better advantage of them? No, that would just spoil the fun. Part of the joy of a happy event is the surprise of it. If I knew of all the good things that were coming, the anticipation would take the edge off the happiness. It would be like telling me what’s inside my Christmas packages months before Christmas. Christmas day would be a letdown. My present-day memories would all be jaded. Let’s not do that.
What would make my life happier today? My mood became somber as I looked back over my life. Sadly, I realized that I would be happier if I didn’t have so many regrets. I cringed at the memory of cruel things I should not have said and sighed over the noble things I should have done…but didn’t. I thought about the people I wish I had never met and the relationships I wish I had kept. I pondered the destructive outcomes of those unfortunate choices. And then it dawned on me: happiness comes from making better choices. Better choices come from being a better person.
I took up my pen and resumed writing with a great deal of passion.
Dear You,
No doubt the genii has explained to you who I am. I am going to tell you something that will make your life a thousand times happier today and all your days to come.
Be as kind as you can to everyone you meet, even the people you don’t like very much. You will never regret being kind, but you will always regret being cruel. Stop thinking about yourself so much and start thinking about others.
If someone hurts you, find a way to forgive, let go, and move on. It is enough to endure the hurt once; you needn’t re-inflict it on yourself over and over by brooding over it. You will become bitter and drive away the very people who can truly love you.
Don’t be afraid; fear will rob you of so much joy and so much life! It will also keep you from doing great things. You have more strength than you know. You will make it through every trial and be stronger for it.
Walk away from toxic people without a look back. If you don’t, one of two things will happen to you: you will either be destroyed by them or, worse, you will become like them.
Be reliable. Never make a promise unless you know you can keep it. Always keep your word. The respect of others is silver; but self-respect is gold.
Never, ever procrastinate. Fulfill your duties and responsibilities first and well, then you can play happily without regret or worry.
Spend less than you earn and save every penny you can. Don’t buy so much “stuff”. Most of what you buy will end up in a landfill or garage sale. Why bother? Save your money. Learn to be happy with less and to live a simple life. Then you can enjoy the luxury of being generous and the peace of a debt-free life.
Television is a great waste of time. Get up and do things. Study, learn, play, travel, create, LIVE, instead of watching television (later it will be something called the Internet).
Make and keep lots of friends. Stay close to family. Say you’re sorry. Send thank you notes. Remember birthdays. In the end you will find that friends and family are the greatest blessings of all.
Life is short and youth is shorter. Make the most of every minute!
Love,
The Older and Wiser You
The next day, I met the genii at the beach with my letter, sealed in an envelope and addressed to the ten-year-old me. He took my letter and said, “Remember, exactly ten minutes”. Once again, a swirl of purple smoke took him away. I stood rooted to the spot, nervous, wondering if my life would change or remain the same.
For ten minutes I listened to the surf roaring and the shore birds calling. I watched children playing in the sand, felt the breeze and tasted salt in my mouth. At the end of the tenth minute I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and held it, waiting for something to happen. I could still feel the breeze and hear the birds calling and the children playing. Nothing had changed.
I exhaled a long, slow disappointed sigh. Then suddenly, I felt and heard something fluttering past my face. It brushed across the tip of my nose and landed on my toes. I thought it was a bird until I opened my eyes and looked down. There in the sand at my feet was a sealed envelope with my name on it. I recognized the handwriting; it was mine, except it was written in a shaky scrawl. I opened the envelope and drew out a letter.
Dear You,
The Genii did not tell you about the rest of the favor he granted to you. He left it to me to tell you. I am your older self on the day of your death. I will not tell you what day this is or how I am dying because that would ruin the rest of your life. You would spend it all counting down the time you have left. But I will tell you this: you still have plenty of life left to live.
As you can see, your life did not change because your younger self did not listen to you. Nor did that child listen to anyone else who gave the same wise advice. But I have some advice for you that will make your life happier today and all your days to come and which will enable me to die in peace. Here it is:
It is not too late to follow the good advice you gave to your younger self.
Love,
The Oldest and Wisest You.
I looked up at the sky and sighed in exasperation. “I know! I know!” I shouted to my older self, to the Genii, to my present self, to the sky. Then all the air hissed out of my lungs like a deflating balloon and my shoulders slumped. “Alas, I have always known these things; I just didn’t do them.” I sat down hard in the sand, deep in thought.
For the next hour I stared at the sea and pondered my life. Finally, as the horizon pulled the sun to its edge, I got up, brushed off the sand and stuffed the letter back in the envelope. A few feet away, a sand piper, startled by my sudden movement, stopped his foraging at the water's edge and looked at me warily. I spoke to him, “Hey, bird, you know what? I still have plenty of life left to live.” I walked away from the beach laughing. What a wise, clever and sneaky genii!
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